Happy Birthday, John!

Happy Birthday, John!

A good rant, lost

I was going to express with general disgust with our current politic situation, it's just not working out...it's all disjointed and annoying.

I have one line of thought on the fact that it's human nature to want to help other people and organize into social groups...so the whole idea that socialism is somehow unnatural seems silly.

There is a happy medium of government, the person who wants to end government is just as wrong as the person who wants government to do everything...since communism and anarchism both seem to relay on the argument that people are flawed, not the system i.e. communism fails because of greed and anarchism fails because people by their nature band together and socialize.

The Angry White Man trope is annoying...it sounds like a convenient excuse to not take responsibility rather than any serious argument. See also: Conspiracy Theory Guy who believes The Man did it, not his bad decisions.

Part of life is winners and losers...but it doesn't mean everybody has to fail i.e. as the education level increases, shouldn't the median move to the right? Why is it a given 20% of any class have to fail just to fit some bell curve? Isn't that arbitrary?

Of Petulant Internet Personalities

So, Penny Arcade and Jordan Jesse Go! had one of those internet disagreements about a month ago wherein a very unflattering comic and associated commentary leading to much unhappiness on the part of the aforementioned Jesse...who ultimately pulled the podcast after less than 12 hours as far as I can tell. I bothered to listen to it and here's the problem - misanthropic cartoonists make lousy guests for anyone who espouses New Sincerity.

The exact failure point lies in Evel Knievel. Who, by today's standards, is really not much of anything...freestyle motocross makes Evel Knievel look, well, pedestrian. There are literally hundreds of people who contort and flip themselves over their motorcycles that make look jumping 200 feet, well, lame. Jumping off a bridge attached to a rubber band for fun was a thing when this manifesto was penned in 2006. In fact, bungee jumping was hip in, oh, yeah, 2000. Take a minute to ponder that - paying to jump off a bridge attached to a rubber band was passe when the man in the bow tie penned his guiding philosophy which is an ode to Evel Knievel.

This is why the podcast was doomed to fail as Penny Arcade is responsible for this entry into pop culture. I'm sorry, blaming the creators of Penny Arcade for not being equipped to do your show is bit like dissing cats for being unable to water ski. The humor of Penny Arcade is built on mocking and irony, not unabashed enthusiasm for the obscure in-joke as apparently Jordan Jesse Go! is in being built on New Sincerity. Suffice to say, putting the two together - not going to work - they are two diametrically opposed philosophies.

Irony, is this it? Nope...

I have apparently answered my own question through complete apathy...yes, there is less than one post per year yet only thru only total apathy. And self-hatred for failure continues to define my existence...for that gem I am reprinting the single worst thing to my mother on the internet because the Google cache (or at least the Wayback machine) is forever...and she would hate having any secrets on the internet to be reproduced forever...god, she is such a worthless f*cking b*tch...

May 6, 2009

Dear Mom,

I don't seriously believe that a “discussion of my place in the family” involves any dialog. It is just as productive for me to write this letter and shred it as attempt to have any kind of “discussion.” You're absolutely right that any relationship involves give and take but, for some reason, are hung up on how it involves you and you alone. I do not appreciate being treated as if I am not adult, as if I do not have other commitments, as if guilt should be the end all and be all of whether I should or should not do something.

As far as I'm concerned, it was immature and unbecoming to not even bother calling me and explain what was going on. Everything was filtered through Brice until I was there on Saturday morning. I had told Brice I would prefer to drive by myself after he made it sound like the only purpose was to label things and box them up. He insisted that we had to bring the truck and actually move the furniture out of the bedroom. I acquiesced because I was under the impression we had to bring the truck and clean out the bedroom.

After we got there, I was not comfortable with the whole idea, especially after it started to feeling like playing house. I'm not really sure why it's relevant what I think of yours and my father's relationship. The whole thing had long ago lapsed into some cartoony soap opera level of petty spitefulness. The fact that relationship had been defined by everything that wasn't there for many years had a created sort of an anti-relationship...although even that isn't entirely true. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference, it's the complete lack of sympathy or empathy or identification. Neither one of you ever fell into the indifferent category. However, after the development of the whole anti-relationship, I had already realized there was nothing I could do about it and it wasn't my problem. I had also realized that I should have never voiced any kind of opinion during the divorce and that should have been entirely between the two of you. I have come to regret saying anything about the bonds my father got when his father passed away. I realize now it was unfair to have been put in that position...I should not have been felt obligated to chose sides one way or another. I have to come to view both of you as people, rather than simply parents. I think its good that you both can be friendly and sit down and have a conversation now but far removed from my childhood, it's strictly academic as to whether that has any intrinsic value outside of whatever personal satisfaction either of you derive from it. With that said, the idea that I needed some kind of validation of yours and my father's relationship put me on edge. I was not really sure to what to think about something that seems important when you're fourteen being put front and center.

I slept fitfully that night, partly because it had felt like playing house, partly because I was running through my head the conversation you and my father had about Eric and him being executor. I don't think the time line was fully understood, I had talked to Eric multiple times about the estate and he was concerned about it being properly taken care of. When Eric talked to my father about taking control of the estate, this after three weeks of Grandma being hospitalized, you not showing up (and having full power of attorney, both legal and medical), and after Eric had refused to allow Grandma to change the will. This was approximately 14 hours before she passed away. At this point, everything was in limbo...I had been unsuccessful in convincing you to come or Eric to call, I had honestly said that I don't know what was going to happen with the estate when Grandma passed away two days prior to this when Eric asked what I thought. In short, while that may have come up on the drive home, I was only partially aware of the conversation and, at any rate, considering the complete disavowal of responsibly on your part until the absolute last minute, I really view the whole conversation and the concerns raised valid at the time.

Which, I suppose, brings me to Sunday morning and realizing perhaps I had made a mistake in thinking things were different in our relationship between the lack of personal invitation, the whole being expected to come by myself, and the whole trying to make out me as some kind of liar about Eric when, at that point, Grandma had to go to hospice (oh, by the way, you do know hospitals only fix sick people, not harbor the dying or stable? There's a limit on your time there) and the responsible party refused to come. So, yes, I was in a horrible mood and the whole “Thank you” thing stuck me as petty and silly when I was under the impression that we had to bring the truck and we had to at least make an attempt at cleaning out the house.

I have three things to address in closing. First, that was cheap shot about me only being interested in the money...the supreme irony is, of course, you don't have to work the rest of your life despite how much grandma would despise that. Second, entitlement? At least call me arrogant...I've worked for everything I have. I moved out with $600 to my name. I have two houses, I've usually had three or more vehicles, and whatever material goods I could possibly want...I got where I am through my hard work. Third, I do not appreciated ______ being excluded after we offered to help…not just me, both of us.

Is there less than 1 post per year?

Of course posts only come in whole numbers, so there's no way I'll be below 2008, I think...at the very least, 2008 will be a severe trough/valley/low point. Maybe.

We now have three dogs...two beagles and a basenji/mix (according to the Humane Society and judging from the ears, face, and fur, yes, bansenji seems reasonable. What she's mixed with is any one's guess...)

I have had the great glee of saying "Release the hounds!" and meaning it quite literally although all of them are just friendly attention hogs...but they are noisy. Occasionally. When it doesn't inconvenience their sleeping or eating.

Hey, it's Tuesday, I could put this thing out of it's misery...but what fun would that be? On the other hand, what difference would it make?

Electric Kool-Aid & Tests of Acid

I ended up picking the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test quite by accident from a Barnes & Noble "Buy 2, Get 1 FREEEEEEEEE!" table when Christa found two books she wanted and talked me into saying yes by getting me to look. By far, the strangest thing is how much one guy with an interest in the fringe influenced American culture so throughly. The whole psychedelic movement influenced everything it touched in very strange ways. A line could be drawn from the Grateful Dead right down to modern dance music especially with their mixing and jamming...archive.org has an extensive collection of live Dead recordings. They have some great early recordings, which really contextualize the book. Odd how 40-year old music can sound so modern now.

So, I reformatted my blog, and left only one link, since the other ones were dated and I'm not that interested in Homestar Runner (passé) or Car and Driver (whose website now sucks) anymore...I did play with the add a poll option, tho, which is nifty and recovered my archives...

Upgrades

Other than being too busy to post and finding my life too small to document, I still have a blog for reasons unknown. I did upgrade to the new blogger and lost all my archives, so that sucks and I don't really know how to fix that...

My iBook died and it's about to be replaced by a Dell Lattitude D620 within a few days...which won on little things like PCMCIA, VGA and S-VID built-in, modem, 9 cell battery option, and same money for 1.83 ghtz, 1 gig RAM, CD-RW/DVD-ROM and 60 gig HD plus 3-year warranty/phone support...

I have lost the dell to grading...and find myself sentence to the laptop...which would be okay but I ended up with GTA III (the most infamous game in america) for da PC and, well, I got hooked...I was surprised how good it is as a game...I need to dig up my brick and go upstairs...there's a movie in the PS2 we started and never finished...

worst...idea...ever

The worst idea of yesterday:

moby dick...as a comic book!










no, not that kind of comic book...get your mind out of the gutter...

a bi-annual update

slackerdom online means I have a life, at least that's my theory. I haven't posted since august and there's long list of good reasons, not that least of which is my life is very boring and I feel self-conscience writing either fiction or about myself...it was an ugly ephiany of reality which peirced my delusion of actually composing a cover letter. I hate when that happens...otherwise, I have been steadily working my way towards graduation (if I can pass french, I will)..."There are names for people who goto college for seven years"

"They're called doctors"

Other news, I'm not sure I have other news...been bouncing around online, attempting to regain train of thought, felt sick enough not to go to work today, otherwise, no news is good nows, I suppose.

I think my blog has died of apathy...which sounds like a lot of things I attempt...other things that have apathy issues:

- '92 blazer I bought for 600 bucks in need of heater core, exhaust, driver's side window motor, brake booster, master cylinder or proportioning valve

- the Merc needs a passenger side window regulator, driver's power window switch, and HVAC fan switch

- Job search

On the other hand, I'm track to graduate this summer and I finished my summer classes with A-'s...

Maybe I just need more time in the day...

The semester has finally ended and I now have month until summer classes start...so I'm going to attempt to enjoy my respite...perhaps...and I have one word...

beer

I'm lazy, extradoinarily lazy...also, my life is exceptional booooo-ring, for the most part. so, uh, yeah...news stuff

Apparantly, pontificating on the pontiff is the new sport...at least for the past week. Of course, I can't really say that the fact Jean-Paul II's cardinals appointed J-P II's right hand man is any kind of earth shaking revelation of any type...come on people, he banned cardinals over 80 from coming to Rome, so please spare us the shock and stop and think.

Vinovich through sheer incompentance does something respectable or this is a crying/laughing situation. From Slate (conviently includes recap & news):

"Then, at about 4:30 p.m., out of nowhere, George Voinovich, a Republican from Ohio, said that he hasn't attended any of the hearings on Bolton (he claimed to be busy with something or other) but, based on charges that he had just heard today, he would not "feel comfortable" voting Bolton out of committee."

ha-ha

UT has broken POP3 email again...but I don't care because all I get is sponsered spam from 'em...I suppose I could e-mail tech support but, uh, I don't have e-mail.

misc

We survived 24 hours in the car without killing each other...Memphis was okay but not spectacular.

I have a whole long rant full of spleen and rage somewhere in honor of Hunter S. Thompson especially after reading Fear and Loathing: On on the Campaign Trail '72 but the flu is kicking my butt...which is no fun.

The truck is dead.

Minor injuries only.

The brakes failed at the worst possible moment...in front of a hefty light pole.

I suppose I should post something here...

Went to the Detroit Autoshow and was basically underwhelmed...new Mustang awesome, Freestyle very nice interior, the Mini is still cool

Going to Memphis this weekend, it will be good to have a vacation.

I think I'm getting sick.

My head hurts and I'm tired...plus work sucks and I hate New Years and my birthday and all that.

Happy New Year...I have no resolutions nor do I really care to find any.

Going to get a sandwich